I know it's merely a "Hallmark" day, but you gotta love a day celebrating and focused on love.
As I write these words it's only 11 minutes into valentines day, and I can already feel my heart swelling with the love people are feeling and focusing on.
I've always enjoyed the day, regardless of my relationship status, and although I'm trying to release beliefs in societal conformationist type things, I still love anything that encourages people to make an effort to be more loving.
In my mind, there's nowt wrong with that.
As a I deepen my relationship with myself, making my happiness the most important thing in my life, selfishly showing up for me, saying no to what feels wrong and yes please to anything that feels right in my spirit, I am aware of the depth and power of the love I have to offer.
Relinquishing the addiction to suffering is taking time, but it's going. Suffering in "love" is something I've spent way too much time doing. By practicing Vipassana I am coming out of the suffering, and releasing the habitual clinging and craving the addict in me is used to.
Watching the ego telling me that I should be worried and I should be afraid. And loving anyway. Loving myself so deeply it seems like I don't want anyone else to come along and break the spell. But if I let no one in, how will I know if my self love is real? It's easy to do it when there's no one around to test you. But being loving, kind and caring to the self while loving someone else is an interesting challenge.
How can it be done?
One day at a time. Sometimes, one moment at a time.
St Valentine was a priest who lived in Rome in the Third Century, who was eventually beheaded by the "powers that be" (the haters of the time) for not only refusing to renounce his faith, but also for helping and performing marriages between Christians.
At this time it was illegal to do the above, and he was put through beatings and torture as a result of his stubborn belief in love and his religion of choice.
On the website I got this information from, it stated that being incarcerated, tortured or even dead is no excuse for a saint to stop performing his duties, therefore it is said that he restored the sight of his jailors daughter, and it is rumoured that the valentines card is based on a note he left for sed formerly blind girl, signed "from your valentine."
I used to love being in love. The obsession and all consuming, almost painful passion too much to bear at times. Most times. And now I am slowly recognising how much I adore simply loving.
Having done a lot of work to heal and recover from codependency/love addiction over the last six years (five of which I spent being celibate) I am learning more about me each day. More about how and why I get so attached. Where the fears come from. And how to let them go. How to stop living in the past or future. Doing my best to stay in the present and recognise what is real in the here and now.
Being a work I progress I know there is SO much still to be done. Recently the main focus is on being more loving and gentle with myself when I'm less than perfect. Learning to love myself unconditionally and not abandon myself when I am human.
This is tough, but necessary if I am to have a chance of ever loving someone unconditionally. The hardest yet most rewarding love there is.
The A Course In Miracles teaches us to drop our desire to have "special relationships" and to desire "holy relationships" instead. The holy relationship is one with no label, no expectations, no attachments or conditions. It's so hard, and yet the only way we can ever dream of having a real relationship.
There's so much I want to write and the words are not quite there. So I shall share this fabulous video from one of my favourite dudes Prince EA and wish you all a very beautiful and happy valentines day.
It's all about the love baby. Real love. Pure love. Unconditional love.
Anything else is an illusion...
In-joy
Namaste 🙏