If there's one lesson that keeps coming back to me this year, it's this one.
No matter what, I have to be gentle with myself. Especially as I go through belief changing, journey altering experiences.
When I don't do things perfectly, my default is still to beat myself up. Even when I don't realise I'm doing it, I'm doing it. I'll sit for a whole day just quietly beating up on myself. Wondering why I'm finding it hard to process the emotions I'm in. It's because I'm spending so much time beating myself up for not being better at this, that there's no space left to process anything.
If I'm honest, I only realised that as I wrote it, and the words resonated deeply as a truth. So next time I need to process a conversation or experience I've found challenging, the first thing I'll do is be gentle with myself. I'll baby my heart, and ask her what she needs. I'll treat her like the precious being she is. A delicate flower that the slightest touch could destroy. Then I'll sit back and see whether or not I even need to process anything anymore. Or was the act of being gentle, acknowledging my emotions and letting go of a specific outcome, enough?
All I really want is to be loved and to love with no fear and no holds barred. When I feel safe and secure this is possible. When I feel insecure the walls come up around my heart, and I feel myself become insular and harden into a ball. Many years of protecting and surviving taught me this defence mechanism, and I'm really good at it. It happens fast, and if I was a heart ninja you'd be impressed with the speed and adeptness of movement. If shutting down was an Olympic competition I'd be in the running for gold.
Although I have done so much work on myself over the last 5-7 years, it seems old neuro pathways in my brain are pretty solid, and the need to feel validated and safe by someone else kick in faster than I anticipated. The truth is that the only person I really need to feel love from is me. I don't need love from any place else. No one does. Most of us (myself included) go through our lives "looking for love in all the wrong places." Hoping THAT special person will make us feel so special, and behave in a way that makes us feel secure and safe. Secretly fantasising that one day they'll change. All the while placing so much attention on what they're doing wrong, or not doing what we want them to do, we are denying ourselves the loving focus and attention. We are also, by courtesy of the law of attraction, not allowing ourselves to experience the person they could be if we just loved and accepted them without judgment or condemnation. If we just focused on their positive aspects.
Bring the attention back on yourself.
Focus on the only person who really counts - that's you.
Show yourself so much love you don't need it to come from anywhere else.
And one day, when the time is right, someone will show up who will be ready to love you too.
There's no rush.
Trust the process.
Enjoy the quest.
Time was created to serve us, not to be used as another tool for the ego to beat us up with.
All is well, and everything is happening in perfect timing.
So that's where I'll begin. Going even deeper on my quest to find and fall in love with myself.
BTW, when I say myself, I don't just mean this body, I mean the non physical self. The part of me that's the real me.
The part of me that is God. The part of me the knows only Love.
Namaste
#love #God #peace #stillness #mind #lawofattraction #listen #loveyourself #FallingInLoveWithMe